*Disclaimer: If poking fun at dieting offends the reader, stop at the title :). This post is merely a tongue-in-cheek commiseration at attempts for healthy eating in today's society.
Are you SICK and TIRED of dieting? Are you also sick and tired of everything associated with dieting: DIET cookbooks, DIET menus, exercise equipment, designer sweat bands, well-meaning “friends” who drop not-so-subtle hints about DIETING . . . even talk show hosts slobbering over some nauseatingly thin, reject-from-a-refugee-camp-looking celebrity and her recent workout video, fat grams, counting calories, and. . .(shudder). . .aerobics? If any of these things make you gag, then this post is for you!
Are you SICK and TIRED of dieting? Are you also sick and tired of everything associated with dieting: DIET cookbooks, DIET menus, exercise equipment, designer sweat bands, well-meaning “friends” who drop not-so-subtle hints about DIETING . . . even talk show hosts slobbering over some nauseatingly thin, reject-from-a-refugee-camp-looking celebrity and her recent workout video, fat grams, counting calories, and. . .(shudder). . .aerobics? If any of these things make you gag, then this post is for you!
When one is on the wagon with any other unhealthy habit, that individual is applauded for making the right choice. When dieting, however, we get "Oh, just one piece of cake (or brownie, or cookie, or whatever) won't hurt you!" Do we tell smokers trying to quit: "Oh, one itsy-bitsy cigarette won't hurt you"?? NOPE.
As a fellow sufferer on the treadmill (oops, sorry!) of this diet-crazed country, I’ve lost at least 1,000 pounds in my life (and gained back 1,100). I've wondered what would happen if I just decided to eat and enjoy it for a change. You know what I mean—gobble up chocolate chip cookies simply because they smell heavenly, taste even better, feel good going down, and provide a wonderful sense of well-being? (I'm told that chocolate produces endorphins.) That sort of thing is usually not permitted unless a hefty serving of guilt is included as the entree:
“My dear, are you sure that you want another serving? That dress is getting a bit snug, you know.”
“Do you have a tapeworm?”
“Eating again? We just had lunch!”
“I can’t believe you ate the whole pizza!”
Remember the golden rule of dieting: a calorie is a unit of flavor—the better the food tastes, the more calories it contains. Celery, therefore, must be in the plywood family.
So relax. Have a few good meals before you go on that inevitable DIET. Live it up this week by going to those all-you-can-eat buffets, family reunions, church pot luck dinners--get my drift? If you follow this pre-diet idea, you’ll finally enjoy your food, secure in the knowledge that you plan to DIET afterwards.
Save the plywood and rabbit food for next week--when you embark upon THE DREADED HEALTHY DIET!
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