I've chosen my C is for comedy because I just seem to have a knack for spilling, dropping, or spraying food items! I am normally not a klutz at all, but over the years, if I'm gonna drop anything, it will be something to eat or drink. Now, let me make one thing clear: these so-called humorous incidents were not humorous to me at the time, but everyone else sure thought they were funny, as evidenced by their guffaws. Cases in point:
1) Years ago when we lived in Lynchburg, Virginia, our family was at a seafood restaurant. All was going well until I tried to open the little pouch of sour cream for my baked potato. I tore off the end, but somehow that sour cream managed to land onto my face--even covering one eye! Well, our two daughters, who were about four and eight at the time, did quite well holding back their laughter, because they could see I was put out with the situation! I noticed that my hubby had also developed a sudden desire to drink his iced tea, gulping it down and coughing (only later did I learn that he was trying to cover his laughter).
So, I made my way into the ladies' room to wash my face, and a young girl sitting across the restaurant decided to follow me in there! She stood staring while I attempted to clean my face without disturbing my makeup, no mean feat. I could see her behind me in the mirror, so I turned around and asked in as kind a voice as I could muster at the time: "May I help you??" She silently nodded no, but kept on staring. Our daughters had also followed me into the restroom, and when I said that, they ran back out. I later learned that Clark and the girls were out there, convulsed with laughter, which they wiped off their faces the moment I came out of the restroom. I wasn't laughing, though. It's funny now, of course, because comedy = tragedy + time.
2) We were eating dinner with my parents, also years ago, having steaks that only my dad, a grill master extraordinaire, could produce. I reached for the steak sauce on the dining table, deciding to shake it a bit to loosen it up and thus flow out quickly. WRONG. Someone (who, to this day, has remained nameless) had loosened the container lid and merely set it back on top without screwing it closed. HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT? It looked closed. Anyway, when I proceeded to shake the bottle, the lid immediately came off and steak sauce was flung across the room to my mom's dining room curtain, on the floor, my clothes, and a dollop here and there across the table. Why me??
3) When Holly and Philip had been married only a short time, we invited them over for a spaghetti dinner. No problem. How could anything actually go wrong with spaghetti and garlic bread, especially when I didn't plan on shaking the sauce, the pasta, or throwing the bread, right? We were all seated at the dining table, plates filled with pasta and sauce, and Clark had said grace. So far, so good. I picked up the Parmesan cheese, and since we all know it has a tendency to stick together, I decided to give it a few good shakes. You guessed it. In Holly's words: "It was like watching a movie in slow motion . . . as you shook the cheese container three or four times, I could see the grated cheese arcing over your head, going everywhere! We yelled, 'NO!' but it was already too late." My, what a poetic description. Once again, I plead innocence. The blamed thing looked closed, but obviously wasn't. I am cursed, I believe, when it comes to food!
4) Just last week at our grandson Asher's second birthday party, I was attempting to assist our guests with their beverages. One mom requested Dr. Pepper, which had not yet been opened. This two-liter bottle had been sitting on the counter for hours, along with its neighbors of other soft drinks, and hadn't been moved at all. So, in my innocence, I proceeded to open the bottle: well, it erupted like Mt. Vesuvius! Dr. Pepper spewed out all over the counter and onto the floor, but wonder of wonders, I didn't get a speck of it on my clothing. My daughter Holly came to the rescue with some paper towels, commenting that I needed to write a blog post about my difficulties with food and drink. So, here we are.
Hopefully, my "run" of bad luck is at its end, although it was spread over several decades. I really am careful and observant, you know.
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