SOUTHERNERS: I "ARE" ONE

If you are reading this post and are not from the United States, (or live "up nawth"), then much of its content probably won't make sense to you.  However, my fellow Southerners will understand every word.

Although I was born in the South and come from a long line of Southerners, I grew up in various U.S. states and a couple of foreign countries since my dad was a career military man.  I still consider myself a Southerner, however, although even as an adult, I haven't always lived in the South--and I don't always view life in exactly the same way as born-and-raised Southerners do. 

A friend sent me the following, and I understood all of it--I even added a few points of my own: 

Southern FOLKS know their summer weather report:

Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern FOLKS know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern WOMEN know everybody's first name:

Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern WOMEN know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind


Southern FOLKS know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Basketball
Football
NASCAR


Southern FOLKS know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna

Southern WOMEN know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform

Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't HAVE them, you PITCH them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in "Going to town, be back directly" (dreckly, as my grandparents used to say).

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

ALL Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, Southerners also know to add a large banana puddin'!

Only a Southerner grows up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right fer piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun or a verb: 
Noun:  I'm cookin' some fixins for the church dinner.
Verb:  I'm fixin' the broken winder.

Only a Southerner makes friends while standing in lines--and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.

A Southerner knows grits come from corn (hominy--AND they know what that is) and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, biscuits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food; and "light bread" refers to sliced, store-bought bread, as opposed to homemade biscuits or cornbread.

Only a true Southerner says "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it--and it just might suffice for syrup on pancakes. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart". . . and go your own way.

If you are still a little embarrassed by your southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning, bless your heart!

And, if you are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff . . . bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes on Southernese as a second language!